What He Would Do
by GirlwithSword
Summary: An angsty story that's been rattling around in my head for a while. Buffy and Spike have lived a happy life, Spike dies, now what? M for swear words and dark themes.
1. Living

**Author's Note:** Just because there are always stories about: Spike and Buffy have lived a happy life, Buffy dies, now what? and I wanted to change it up... just a little.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, it all belongs to Joss and his genius.

We always assumed I'd die first, it was kind of a given. Slayer v.s Master Vampire, who lives longer, right? I guess his years caught up with him. I had even talked to him about it (well, it was more a stern "don't do anything too stupid" but that's talking). He never _wanted_ to talk about it. I didn't understand why until he died.

It's not like I haven't mourned him before, just that then I only had our fucked-up past and a maybe? kinda? sorta? could be? possibility of a future. Plus I was busy organizing the slayers, I didn't have time to sit and cry. This time I have nothing to do and twenty years of memories. Memories of the greatest years of my life. We weren't perfect, far from it. The scoobies used to joke that fighting was our hobby. Some couples bowled, others jogged, Buffy and Spike fought. If you'd have seen on the street you'd have thought we were the most messed-up couple in the world. You'd probably have been right.

I love him, I cherish the memories of our time together. Play them over and over again in my head like a movie. But.. they're fading, I can't remember some of his lines. So I make new memories, I imagine talking to him. But... my insights are never as insightful, my comebacks never as witty and I'm starting to forget _exactly_ what that glint in his eye looked like. Then the full weight of the fact that he's not here hits me in the stomach. I curse him for giving me so much love and happiness only to leave and leave me empty. I hate him.

I always try and find a balance, between what he _would do_ and what he _would want_ me to do. Because they are complete opposites. There are days when I just wanna curl up in bed and never leave, it's what he would do. But I have the scoobies and Dawn and patrolling so I get up, because he would want me to. He's such a hypocrite.

**Note:** I know, I'm evil. At least I gave them twenty years of happiness, that's more than ANYONE will ever get in the Joss-verse. Go on to the next chapter, it's even sadder!


	2. Dying

"Bloody hell woman, they were nice flowers!". "They weren't nice flowers Spike, they were ha-ha-you-told-me-you-loved-me,-I-didn't-believe-you,-died,-came-back-and-decided-not-to-tell-you-for-three-years flowers!". They were doing what they do best, arguing and fighting. Arguing with each other while fighting some fledglings. They were easy kills and their anger at each other only fueled them. It wasn't a big argument, it was a spat, an afterwards-we'll-go-home-and-have-angry/make-up-sexcapades kind of spat, business as usual. "I thought you'd appreciate that I remembered" Spike gritted as he staked the first of three vamps, not noticing the second running away. "Oh yeah Spike, that's something I wanna celebrate. How 'bout we have an anniversary of the first time _you_ told me _you_ love me. Chained me up? Threatened me? Remember? That's relive that magic!". The third vampire snorted which earned him a harsh look from one pissed off slayer and a stake through the heart. With the fight over Buffy turned her attention to the patiently waiting Spike. "I don't want to celebrate our past Spike, I barley want to remember it. Do you?". Spike moved forward, grabbed her arm and looked into her eyes in that way that made her know he's about to say something important. "Not a second. Even the most... painful memories, I wouldn't let go of because it all led to this, to us. I could never regret that. And I sent you flowers because I look back on the moment you first told me you love me as one of the happiest of my un-life". Buffy sighed because she knew she was going to give in but rolled her eyes stubbornly. "Well, when you put it like that, I guess it's kinda romantic". "It is, isn't it?", Spike grinned cockily. She swatted his chest and leaned in for a kiss. They kisses gently and passionately, so in love that they didn't notice the second vampire, who had run off earlier, sneak up from behind and put a stake is Spike's heart. He made a choked sound and Buffy's head snapped up, only to see her love fade before her eyes. "SPIKE!", she cried, reaching into his ashes as if trying to hold him together. His dust fell in her eyes, her hair and she couldn't breathe. She looked up at the face of the vampire -the _fledgling_ vampire- who had just murdered her partner..her, her mate. He smiled cruely. "no" she whispered "no, no, no, NO, NO!" Buffy leapt and pounced on the vamp, beat him and, in a fit of rage, tore his head off with her bare hands. Then she laid down in the grass and wept, after all, it's what he would do

**End Note:** Well, I hope you're sad. Reviews are love.


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